Roots

While going through some past posts, I found this speaking to me…again.

 

I had a root canal awhile back.  Great sentence to start with, I know.  I was thinking this morning about the whole idea of a root canal.  The whole intent is to go in and take care of  infection. …

Source: Roots

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Conversation With God

“Get up!  It’s time!”

“I know, but I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“What if I fail?”

“You will at times.  But what if you succeed?”

“That scares me even more.”

“Why?”

“I don’t really know.  I’m afraid of more being expected.  Then what if I can’t do any more?”

“How do you know if you can’t do more if you haven’t even tried to do a little?”

“How do you know that I can?”

“Because, you are my child.  I put into you the things that I knew you would need to do the task that I have given you.  I knew that you would need determination, strength, fire, and audacity.  I also knew that those things would also make you stubborn and hard-nosed if not tempered right.  That my child is the struggle you are having right now.  You are fighting the wrong battle.  You are fighting against what I instilled in you, when in reality I intended you to use that to grab hold of the difficult people who are hurt so badly that only you can reach them.  They will be hard to love because of their hurt, but I know that you are stubborn enough, determined enough, and audacious enough to not give up on them and to guide them to Me.”

“How do you know that?  You’ve seen me!  I lose it over the small things now.”

“Yes, but you have also held on and persevered through the tough, too.  Let go of what you are holding onto that you think is protecting you.  It’s a false wall.  It’s not protecting you.  It’s keeping you from what I have intended for you.”

“But what if I get hurt?”

“That will happen.  Let go of the hurt.”

“What if I fall down?’

“That will happen, too.  You know what I want you to do when that happens?”

“You want me to stand back up.”

“Exactly.  For some reason, the last time you fell, you chose not to get back up.  Not completely.  You allowed yourself to stand just enough to where when something hits you, you easily fall.  I want you to stand completely up and on a solid foundation that only I can give you.  Are you ready?”

“I think so.”

“I asked if you were ready?”

“Yes.  But…”

“No.  No “but”.  When you add that, you are not fully trusting me.  Do you trust me to catch you if you fall?”

“Yyeesss.”

“I sense some hesitation.  I have never left you.  I have been right here waiting for you to take hold of me, ready to help you stand.”

“I know you have.”

“Then what are you waiting for.  Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“Then stand!  We have a job to do.”

“Yes, Lord.”

 

 

 

The Start of A New Venture

As most of you know, I’m a SAHM.  I went back to work in 2013 at a gas station and I worked 3rd shift for a year.  It was tough on my family since I did nothing but sleep all day and was not mentally present when I was awake since I was always exhausted.  I struggled toward the end with whether it was the right decision to keep working or not.  Needless to say, I got my answer.  I am back at home and every time I have talked about going back to work, Hunter melts down.  It creates too much change in our house for me not to be here and managing things.  So, what can I do?  I need to do something.

I’ve have been praying for awhile now about what the answer would be and I could never get peace about me going back to work outside of the home. Well, Tevis works at a place where he has access to discarded furniture. Every so often he would call me and say, “Hey!  There is this _____.  Do you think we could use it?”  I didn’t pick up on it then, but over the last few months it started dawning on me that maybe we could just start repurposing these things.

He brought home this coffee table one day.  It has sat in our basement for a few weeks while I tried to figure out exactly what I wanted to do with it.  I decided on a bench.  Pinterest is a handy little tool!

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I went to Hancock Fabric and found a piece of upholstery that was 90% off AND I got to use a 15% off coupon, too!  Then we went to Michael’s and bought some black spray paint and got to use a 50% off coupon for it.  And we were ready to go!  Oh, forgot to mention that the padding for it, Tevis got from work too.  We were able to put a memory foam seat on it!  Sweet!

First things first…Time to dismantle the thing!

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Next, we had to measure and cut the padding for the seat cushion.  We used a thin piece of regular foam for the bottom and then memory foam for the top.

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After cutting the pieces to size, we sprayed an adhesive glue to the table top, just to hold it in place while we maneuvered it around.  Tevis lined up the pieces of foam on the material before we placed the top down.

Then, as Tevis pulled the material taut, I stapled it down.  He made sure that it was just taut enough to where it didn’t dimple the fabric around the edges.  We started on the short sides, then the long sides, leaving the corners for last.  We gathered the corners together and then stapled them down after we got it shaped in a way we liked.

Now, we get to paint!  We tried to get it done in one day, but we just couldn’t see since it had gotten dark and we noticed that the paint wasn’t liking the finish on the wood.  Tevis took it all to the shed and sanded it a little to give the paint something to adhere to.  I ended up having to finish the painting the next day in the basement since the temperature was too cold outside for the paint.

Once everything was dry, it was time for the fun part!  Putting it back together and seeing how it turned out!

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And then….TADA!!!

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It turned out great!  It wasn’t that hard to do.  It was a fun project and we will definitely be doing it again.  I just have to keep reminding myself that I can’t keep everything!  HA!

Tevis called the next day and said that he had found a dresser and head & footboard.  The dresser was not salvageable but the drawers were.  Now I have drawers in my basement and I can’t wait to show you what I plan to do with those!  As far as the headboard and footboard goes…it may end up as another bench.  Who knows!  I think I’m going to like this new adventure and I think I understand why I’ve not been given a “yes” about going back to work.  Is it going to be a huge income producer?  No, but it will supplement the same, if not more, that I would be making it I did go back to work.  And, I get to stay home and take care of my family still.  I think it’s a win all the way around.  =)  Be Blessed!

 

My Journey To Health…Week 13 Update (He’s Our Daddy!)

Last week I was busy having a pity party for myself.  Figured out that the UGH feeling was coming from me incorporating sweet tea back into my diet.  I don’t drink it regularly and it’s always a half-cut, but when I am out running errands and…well you know how Walmart makes you thirsty.  Anyway, I’ve said it before.  I CAN’T HAVE SUGAR.  Even if I cut down on it.  That eliminates 99.99999% of all food on the market (not including fresh veg and fruits).  No wonder people are always sick.  Sugar is legal crack!  Keep them addicted, keep getting their money.  Stop poisoning our people!  *Jumps off soapbox*

Anyway, I was saying how I felt trapped by not being able to sway even the slightest amount from eating better.  I had a good friend who reminded me that I need to be reminding myself of “who my daddy was” when I feel trapped.  She sent me this video:

I remember back when I started this I had said that the majority of this journey was going to be mental.  I am at the mental part.  The beginning was adrenalin.  Now is where the rubber hits the road. Great things never come from comfort zones!  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.  To have permanent change, I must have REAL change.  Not just physically, but mentally.  Ephesians 4:23 says, Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.

I’m a thinker and I tend to mull things over and over and over and over and…well, you get the point.  I lose sleep over my brain. Mentally is exactly where satan is going to attack me.  It reminds me of when Professor Snape is training Harry Potter to be strong mentally so that Voldermort can’t get into his thoughts.  “Control your emotions.  Descipline your mind.”  I’m including that scene in case you want to watch.

I need a strong mind.  I need to keep going but not on my strength alone.  I have to say that I think I’ve been trying to do a lot of this on my own.  Everyday I need to get up and put on a conjoined twin jacket and take another step.  I can’t successfully go where God isn’t. So often it isn’t he that has moved but I.  My road is extremely winding and hilly.  I can see Him walking on the easier path and I, like an ADD child, just going “oh look a butterfly!” or “Oh look a squirrel” and running off.  And all the while he is still just walking straight, yet he slows his pace to be able to be exactly where he needs to be when I return onto the His path.  We are never really adults.  We are just bigger kids.  Still learning.  Still exploring.  Still thinking that we know it all.  When in reality, we are still just His children whom he is trying to protect and guide and to train up for the battle ahead.

So, I say all that to really say this.  Yes, I had a bad week.  Yes, I have had a few bad weeks.  I can’t let that be the end all.  In reality all it is is just an ADD moment on my path.  But it is in those moments that Satan can (and will) jump into your head and fill it with all kinds of junk and play with your emotions and torment you with you fears.  We have to block him.  We have to fill our minds with the truths of God and what He says we are.  We have to walk in the truth of WHO HE IS!  That He’s our daddy!  And so often we really don’t know who He is because we haven’t taken the time to REALLY know Him.  He needs to become our conjoined twin.  Why do we make that so hard?  Stop paying attention to the shiny object that’s being dangled in front of you as a distraction and start paying attention to the rock that you are.  Take the time to let God polish and shine and tenderly care for it and you will turn into a true gem.  =)  Be Blessed!

PS- I know I was just all over the map there, but I need to tell you my updates.  I did lose poundage but no inches.  So, it’s still a win.  So I am down 43 lbs since the end of July.  =)

New Starting Weight: 342

Est. Heaviest: 365

Current Weight: 322

Total inches lost: 34

My Journey To Health….Week 9 Update

wpid-df415da7c8ec5997239fd48a4db200c1.jpgYesterday I had a friend call and asked if I would go walking with her.  She likes to walk on the Greenbelt.  It’s a beautiful path that we have here in TN that goes on forever.  I had never been before and was excited to have a new place to walk that is absolutely beautiful.  We met at the Exchange Place.  Never seen that either, but I WILL be going back.  It has a bunch of old piece-on-piece cabins.  We love those!  Anyway, I hadn’t really walked in a couple of weeks.  I haven’t been feeling up to par and have been hurting a lot in my joints.  My body is fighting itself and the junk that we have discovered is really built up.  Flushing toxins out of your body is hard, but will be oh so worth it once it’s done.

We met up and we started down this path.  It was gorgeous.  Every step was wonderful.  It was a nice pace and I felt great!  We were just chatting away and then I noticed that we had been going downhill for quite a bit.  And it kept going.  Then I remembered that downhill is great…until you have to come back up!  It finally bottomed out and started going uphill.  You mean I have to do this TWICE?!?  WHERE IN THE WORLD DID SHE BRING ME!?!  I was NOT prepared for this!  I didn’t even bring survival gear!  I didn’t notify anyone of my coordinates.  It felt like when I was hiking to Abrams Falls in the Smokies and I was crying to Tevis that rescue choppers wouldn’t even be able to find me and I would have to die there.

Then, I saw something coming at me in the distance.  It was approaching at a rapid pace.  Oh no!  We had crazy people on the trail.  I’m telling you they were CRAZY!  They scared me.  Momentarily, I feared for my life (“If I don’t make eye contact, maybe they’ll go away”).  What were they, you may ask?  Runners.  They were RUNNING!  RUNNING!  Why in the world would you run these inclines?!?  Have you lost your mind?  Do you enjoy pain?!?  Please, don’t ask me to do that.  Please, I can barely breathe and walk at the same time.  Just ignore the tortoise (btw, spoilers.  I win).

We turned around and were heading back.  The hill in the beginning was insane.  By the time we were halfway up it, my legs were jello and shaking.  We finished with 1.29 miles and I think I should get extra credit for those inclines, not just my steps!  I will tell you this.  I CAN’T WAIT TO DO IT AGAIN!  Even though I seriously considered crawling the rest of the way, I LOVED IT!  We are going back in 2 weeks when she gets back in town.  I was later informed that section was the hardest part of the trail.  Of course it was.  I never make anything easy on myself.  Here’s a screenshot of my walk.  To some it may not be much, but it kicked my butt!

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The impossible became possible.  There was no way I could have done that 2 months ago.  I have come a long way.  Even though when I look ahead I see nothing but a mountain still, when I look back, I see that where I was is so much further away.  And as of Monday, even though I didn’t lose anything this week, I still lost.  I lost 3.25 inches.  And I fit into a new shirt that was clinging to me when we bought it 2 weeks ago.

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New Starting Weight: 342

Est. Heaviest: 365

Current Weight: 336

Total inches lost: 36

So, keep going.  Every step, no matter how small, is another step.  It will get you there eventually.  Just NEVER GIVE UP!

=) Be Blessed!

My Journey To Healthy…Week 8 Update

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Retraining your thinking patterns can be tough.  How you think about food, exercise and…yourself.  Have you seen the Dove video about our perceptions of ourselves vs. the way others see us?  If not, give it a watch.

Saturday I had my hair dyed.  I have been graying since I was 20.  The whole front part of my head is gray now, if I was to let it grow completely out.  I hadn’t had my roots redone for a couple of months, so I had a good amount of gray showing.  I don’t really care about my age.  It never has bothered me.  I’ve always found it humorous.   I have been mistaken as Tevis’s mother before.  Twice, as a matter of fact.  And he was thought to be Destiny’s brother.  No, that’s her father.  He has always looked extremely young.  So, i just tell them I’m a cougar..HA!  The look on their faces is always priceless.  The other day, I had someone ask me a question that just stayed in my mind.  They said, “You’re in your mid-40’s, right?”  No.  No, I’m not.  I’m 36.  For some reason, it bothered me when it never had before.  It stirred up all these insecurities in me.

Anyway, after that conversation, I had my gray covered with a totally different color.  I’ll show you once we get all the red stripped out and it’s completely finished.  Sunday, I wore my new jeans, a cami (one I dug back out of the give away bag), a cover shirt and my NEW hair.  I walked in for rehearsal.  A few double takes had to be done because they didn’t recognize who I was.  At that point, I knew this was going to be a mentally exhausting morning.

You see, I struggle with compliments.  I struggle with positive attention.  I struggle with believing the compliments that people give me.  I struggle with seeing myself the ways others see me.  In all honesty, it’s because I don’t see or believe the way God sees me.  Why is that so hard?  Ephesians 4:23-24 says, Instead, renew the thinking in your mind by the Spirit and clothe yourself with the new person created according to God’s image in justice and true holiness.  He’s very clear.  We are a new person in Christ.  We are to cast off the old thinking that we have.  We were created in His image.  He sees our beauty, scars and all.  So, we need to, too.  We can’t really change how we are if we don’t change how we think.  Like it said in the Dove video…You are more beautiful than you think.  Change that.  I.  I am.  I am more beautiful.  I am more beautiful than I think.  Shorten that.  I am beautiful.  Try that on.  Wear that.  Let it sink in.  Beauty isn’t necessarily about a number.  It’s about a state of mind.  I think, therefore I am.  You are more beautiful that you think.  =)  Be Blessed!

PS:  I know I just said it wasn’t about a number (and it really isn’t), but my number needs to be lower for health reasons.  I’ll update you real quick.  I had to weigh early this week, so I’m not reporting a huge loss.  I lost 1 lb. but I lost 3.25 inches.  There’s an upside to everything.  I have manged to lose 30 lbs in 2 months.  That’s CRAZINESS!!!!  And the other doctors all these years kept telling me nothing was wrong with my thyroid…HA!

New Starting Weight: 342

Est. Heaviest: 365

Current Weight: 336

Total inches lost: 32.75

My Journey To Health…Week 7 Update

I’ve been in a weird place this week.  I have felt funny.  My joints have hurt and I have had no motivation because I have physically felt off.  I have been craving shrimp like crazy, too!  Weird, I know (and no I’m not pregnant).  I talked to my doctor and she said that I have a mineral deficiency.  She’s going to put me on some magnesium and B12.  She also told me that I need to focus on a Paleo way of eating.  She had suggested it when I first went to see her when we were checking my thyroid and said that it works best for thyroid issues.  I had avoided it because I didn’t want to have to relearn something else…again.

I’m convinced that I need to, especially after the last couple of days.  I have been so dizzy that I just about passed out yesterday.  As we were walking last night (and I got dizzy again), it hit me.  I told Connie that I bet that my iron has dropped since I haven’t been really eating a lot of protein.  I normally can tell when my hemoglobin “bottom’s out”.  It’s been awhile since I’ve felt it like this though.  Going to have to take it easy and focus on getting it back up.

This week I’m going to shorten my distance in walking or just really watch how I feel to see how far I can go.  I’ll do more yoga or something of the like.  I really need to find something that will help me breakthrough with losing in my upper arms and upper legs.  Got any suggestions?  I’m also going to be researching new recipes that are paleo friendly.  If you are eating paleo and have any favorites, please let me know!  I like to try new things.

So, what about my losses for the week?  I lost 5 lbs. but I didn’t lose any inches.  It’s still great progress.

New Starting Weight: 342

Est. Heaviest: 365

Current Weight: 337

Total inches lost: 29.5

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I have been blessed to have friends who are traveling beside me on this journey.  They encourage me and spur me on.  They pray for me and hold me accountable.  They laugh with me and cry with me.  It shouldn’t be that shocking though.  We are supposed to be there for each other.  We are supposed to build each other up and to help when our friends need help.  I couldn’t be doing this alone.  God has placed the people in my life that He knew I would need to keep me going.  I am so thankful for them.  They get to see my ugly and see how I fight when being pushed out of my comfort zone and out of hiding.  Even though I might complain or cringe, I love it.  I know that this is what I need and I have to walk through the uncomfortable to get to the end result.  My friends are loving me through my anger, frustration, fears and tears.  It’s exactly what I need to keep me going and I am so thankful to have them.

I hope and pray that you have people like this in your life.  They don’t necessarily have to be right down the road.  They can be states away and someone that you only get to chat with on the phone, but their encouragement keeps you going and you know that you can call and get that push you need to not give up.  Thank them.  Tell them how they impact your life.  We all need to know how we have managed to touch someone’s life.  Even unsuspectingly.  =)  Be Blessed!