The Bucket List – it keeps growing…

I have started a bucket list.  I have come to realize that it might be slightly important to have one.  Mainly just to keep me on track with a goal.  Crazy as it sounds, I think that Tevis and I would enjoy having one together, but I figured I would start my own first.  So what is it that I would like to do???

1) My first one would be to take piano up again and refresh my skills at it.  I miss playing.  If I would be honest with myself about it, I really did have a great time playing.  I loved it when I competed in the IMTA (Indian Music Teacher’s Association) competition.  I also feel like I could then be of some use to my wonderful husband.  Why I have been avoiding it is beyond me, but I love the piano.  What a beautiful instrument.

2) Travel to several different countries.  Mainly: Ireland, England, South Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Australia, New Zealand, and Italy.  I’m sure I will come up with more as time goes by, but these are ones that i would love to see.

3) To learn at least 2 other languages.  I’ve already started this one with Korean.

4) Lose a lot of weight.  Stupid for a bucket list, but hey, I’m the one making the list.  It needs to be on here.

5) Take a 10 second (or faster) car down the track.  I love speed!  The faster the car the better.  I WILL get this done at some point in my life.

6) Adopt 2 kids (possibly 3 if we are unable to have another of our own).

7) Speak before a large crowd of people.

8) Record an album with Tevis.

9) Publish my book.  haven’t decided on which one but I want to make sure at least of them gets published.

10) See my son perform on stage in a play at least once.  I honestly believe that he would be great at Theater.  He is so animated.

11) See my daughter publish her first manga.  I know she is more than capable of doing this.  I just wish that she would believe in herself enough.

12) See my husband record his first album.

13) To fulfill my purpose according to God’s plan.  This is a lifelong thing.

14) To walk more in the confidence that I should have.

15) To write my first screenplay.  Whether anything happens with it or not, I want to at least get it written down.

16) Have the songs I’ve written recorded.

17) Publish my poetry.

18) Start a restaurant.

19) Send Destiny to study abroad for a short time.

20) Build a hot rod.

21) Live abroad for an extended period of time.

I think that is a decent start.  I would like to get to 50.  Not suer what my deal is with my lists having to consist of 50 things, but it feels like a good number.  So, what are some things on your bucket list?  I would love to hear about them.  =)  Be Blessed

M.I.A.- The Courage To Begin Again

Proud people have a feeling – conscious or subconscious – that “this ministry is privileged to have me and my gifts.”  They focus on what they can do for God.  Broken people have a heart attitude that says, “I don’t deserve to have any part in this ministry”; they know that they have nothing to offer God except the life of Jesus flowing through their broken lives. -Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Can I be candid and real with you for a moment?  I’m sorry.  I owe you an apology.  I have been proud and very self-centered and I am sorry for that.  I have put my own selfish desires first when it comes to ministry.  Seeking after the approval of people, I have not been obedient as of late with what God is putting on my heart.  I have been fighting Him very selfishly forgetting that it’s not about me but all about Him.  Honestly, I’ve gotten to a place where I just pushed Him aside because I was tired of the fight and internal struggle.  It was just easier to give up.

You may have noticed that I have been MIA for the last couple months or so.  To be honest, I’ve been wrestling with a few things.  I still don’t have the answer to them yet, but it will come in time.  The main question that has been posed is “What do I want from my life?”  In actuality it is a very deep question once you start to dig into it .  I know that I am a wife and mother, but what is it truly that God has for me as far as a path?  Tevis and I were talking about this the other day and he said that he knows for certain that his skill set is for Music.  So, what is mine?  I have many things that I am good at.  The moment that I think I have the answer, something else presents itself and creates confusion.  This happens frequently.  Why must I be so easily confused and confounded!

So, within my Nyquil stupor, I am once again pondering this.  It has been so easy to lose myself in the “mom/wife” mode & the “mother of a special needs child”.  Why is that?  I understand my role as a wife & mother but why have I let it consume me to the point of idleness of the desires of my heart?  Being a wife and mother is just a piece of who I am.  It’s not ALL of who I am.

I have also managed to hide behind my weight and health issues.  Using it as a shield to keep me from stepping out in confidence for fear of being rejected and ridiculed.  I don’t want to experience, from adults, the pain again  of what I endured through school from the hands of kids.  I have used the blood disorder that I have, & the doctor’s restrictions that come with it, as an excuse to keep me from making changes in my physical life that I need to make.  Yes, I need to be conscious of its effects but I can’t let it be the end-all to me.

So, it’s time to fall to my knees, ask for forgiveness and finally learn to truly stand in the confidence that God gives me.  I can’t promise that it will happen overnight.  I can only take a step, accept my failure in what I’ve let myself become,  go back to being who I was (yes, the black fingernail polish is back & I’m loving it!) and really learn to quit picking back up my baggage & old hurts.  Today is a new day and a new start.  I just have to find the courage to begin again…

=)  Be Blessed!